Gears of Ramen
by Madman584
Summary: What happens when I take a game I don't like that much, and combine it with an anime/manga I find disappointing? Well, you're going to find out. Rated T, because there be cursing. Oneshot.


The war has been going on for months now. Ever since their invasion, life became a primal struggle for even just food. You see, our supply depots are constantly being burned out by the enemy…The Locust. Naturally, this means that only the fittest of us should survive this hell, but apparently I'm wrong once more. It really won't be the first time, or last time I was. I went to my mission practically kicking and screaming. Hell, I nearly begged… but no go. Now I'm stuck on this folly that even the mentally impaired could point out the flaws.

Seeing that we're so low on supplies, why add another man who has been known to disobey orders and go AWOL? Another idiot hogging supplies and immediately going AWOL is not what we need to win this fight. We need men, and by men; I mean men who we can actually trust. Marcus Fenix is not one of those men, oh hell no. But I suppose at this rate, even an extra shield in battle for gunfire would be nice. So at the very least it increases my chances of survival, only god knowing how small.

I begin to enter a very mucky and dark room, any darker and I would be running into walls. Either way, this darkness is not good for me, or anyone for that matter. Why you may ask? Grubs. Grubs are nasty little critters, seeing as they don't even need light to track you. So what happens when you can't see them; and there's a team of them in this kind of mess? Hmm… maybe I should stop making myself paranoid.

"According to my tracking device on Marcus's cell, it should be in the next room."

Dom was talking to himself in an attempt to soothe his nerves, as it was his own fault for being paranoid at the moment. No longer needing it to locate the incarcerated, Dom quickly shut off the tracker.

After a small beeping sound coming from closing the tracker dinged, a loud series of bangs on what seemed a large metal door flooded the building. After the beating halted, silent footsteps from above could be heard scrounging in the opposite direction of the loud noise. "Grubs…" Dom despised Grubs for one damn good reason; most of the casualties in CQC came from them.

The bastards have known to bring even the toughest of men down, including his father. The banging once again began to fire up, and Dom could only assume it was Marcus acting up, futilely hoping that there was someone here that could bust him out of his cell. Well, everyone has a lucky day, and Dom reasoned this was Fenix's.

"God damn it, let me out!" The scratchy voice demanded an escape from this nightmare, and at that moment an angel appeared before him….An angel in the form of a tanned skin and muscular man known as "Dominic Santiago".

"Well you're one hell of a rescue crew, make it here by yourself?" Marcus's question was very demanding for a recently freed prisoner, which completely pissed off Dom, seeing as he's the one saving this bastard.

"Well yeah, I was sent to bust you out of prison. While we're desperate for anyone, we're not desperate enough to send an entire team to go and get one person." Dom replied, imagining the feeling of punching Marcus right in the face, and hearing bones crack... let's not go there.

"At this rate I was expecting a red fucking carpet…Wait a second, who's the stupid kid?" Marcus's eyes shifted towards the young blond and spiky haired boy. The boy sported an orange coat and trouser, like he was attempting to be at a clown show….in the middle of a fight for humanity.

"The kid? He just followed me…I think" Dom's reply came as dumbfounded as Marcus's. He found the idiot fighting head on with some locusts with crappy illusions or some shit, and he saved his pathetic ass. Since then the kid apparently was following him like a lost puppy… it was pretty creepy actually.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, a Ninja; and one day I'm going to be the Hokage! Believe it!" The young boy's charming and charismatic spirit echoed throughout the entire building, scaring away the remaining grubs, while allowing any locusts to be able to track them. Naturally this wouldn't stand to Marcus.

"You, big brown man… Whatever your name is, get rid of the kid." Marcus demanded.

"Wha-How?" Dom began to get more confused then what he previously was, while Naruto extolled on the virtues of Ichiraku Ramen… whatever that was.

"Punt him… Punt him like a DOG" Marcus belted out in a low and excruciating tone. His long drawn out voice somehow gave Dom a powerful urge to obey the order, not that he needed a real reason, and he began to turn around into a field goal kicking position.

"Wait…What?" The young boy's eyes bugged out when he saw Dom running towards him, too shocked to perform any techniques.

"HeeehhhhhYYYYYAAAAAA!" Dom screamed his entire lungs out and used all of his strength within that kick, sending the young boy catapulting into the air, crashing through several walls and ceilings.

"NINNNNNJJJJJAAaaaaaaaa-" The boy screamed in shock and pain as he soared through the air, and that word echoed throughout the two men's ears; bringing them pleasure…Mainly Marcus.

"Good, with that settled let's go Dom" Marcus said, turning around to head out of the building for a new life.

"Alright…Wait a minute, how did you know my name?"

"I'm Marcus Fenix bitch." Seeing that that was all he was going to get out of him, Dom sighed and followed after Fenix.

"AAAAaaaaaaa- Ugh!" The boy hit flat onto the ground, and immediately grumbled in pain.

"Well, that one sure hurt…ow… he really didn't have to kick me so hard, the bastard." Naruto continued to grimace in pain as he heard loud noises forming around him, although his pain blocked most of it, so he really wasn't concerned.

"Well this has been a bad da-aaaaaaAAAAAAYYYYY!" The young boy began to scream in agony as a family of grubs surrounded him and began to eat his flesh away in a feeding frenzy. They wouldn't stop until only the stripped bones were left. After the Grubs retreated from lunch to prowl for more intruders, a towering man stood before the stack of bones. And from this tall man, a trail of urine began to pour all over the bones as he relieved himself on the remains.

"Heh heh…bitch" Marcus continued to laugh to himself, as he walked off to kill the Locust Queen and be a damn hero.

AN: Just so you know, I don't completely hate Naruto as a concept. It's just that it takes a pretty good idea and whacks it upside the head with liquid stupid until it becomes an aberration to the concept. It disappointed me when I tried watching and reading it. Really you can do far better, such as Trigun. Now that show was good. Also yes, I did enjoy writing Dom kicking him in the ass.


End file.
